On Trying

I’ve been trying to memorise a piece of music. It slips out of the trap of my mind like fish through holes in a net. Trying: discouraging word. To test or try something doesn’t fully commit it. I say, I’m memorising Field’s Nocturne, haven’t got it yet. If I have so much as one bar in secure memory, I’m not trying, I’m memorising.

            ‘Beginning’ can be used in the same way. Beginning to understand how, or beginning to see that, fail to grasp or envision. Like those in John’s Gospel who failed to grasp the light, beginning to see hasn’t yet seen and begs a cure. Seeing, perceiving, understanding the signs of the times could be blocked by an obstacle in the way. If you can’t see around or through you might be blind. Obstacles to sight, like obstacles to memory, take up too much space for themselves. Too opaque, too self-important, too inerrant. Even light around the edges could help.

            Or spectacles. A mirror looks back, glasses look outward: something to sharpen the picture, seeking every glimmer. A photographer knows what light can do. Imagine light playing across the block in the road, illuminating and dissolving. Christ my light.